A Realist's Life
by dreamgoddess'92
Summary: Emily Prentiss was not a hopeless romantic by any stretch of the imagination. After Hotch pushes her away, can she pull herself back together or will she remain a shell of the woman she once was? Can Hotch conquer his fear before he loses Emily?
1. Real

Hey everyone.

This is just a little something that came to mind after listening to a song I love. I'm debating about whether or not to make it a multi-chapter. After you finish reading please let me know. I want to get the 7th chapter of "The Changing Tides" up tomorrow so keep an eye out for that.

I do not own Criminal Minds (if I did I'd kidnap Matthew Gray Gubler and you'd never see us again) nor "Half Life" by Imogen Heap (i adore her)

Please enjoy.

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_I knew that I'd get like this again_

_That's why I try to keep at bay_

_Be a hundred percent when I'm with you_

_And then the perfect heart's length away_

Emily Prentiss was not a hopeless romantic by any stretch of the imagination. It wasn't that she didn't believe in love, oh no that wasn't the case at all. She just didn't believe that it was as predictable and clichéd as it was in movies.

To Emily love was messy, complicated, and it hurt. She wasn't a pessimist either: She considered herself a realist. She lived in a world where sex was sex and love didn't always enter the equation. She knew sometimes the bad guy got away and on occasion the good guy died. It wasn't some fairytale where the girl lived happily ever after with the guy of her dreams. Life wasn't that easy.

That was why; when Aaron Hotchner had put an end to their late night rendezvous she wasn't surprised or angry. She had expected their passionate flame to burn out sometime, like an ember in a dying fireplace. It was clinical, typical, and it hurt like hell. She'd never tell him that though. She gathered her clothes, said goodnight, and walked out his door as if nothing happened. What they had was beautiful and it didn't hurt until she left his bed that night.

Emily spent the rest of that night cursing his name and her fragile and foolish heart. She didn't even make it to work on time.

The team tired to ignore their sneaking suspicions that something had gone wrong in the relationship department between Hotch and Emily and they suffered because of it. Their performance was impeccable of course, but their emotions were a wreck of anger, sympathy, confusion, denial, concern, and sadness. Long story short, everyone suffered because Emily suffered. Empathy was a bitch.

Dave had seen Emily's less than professional mannerisms that Monday after Hotch had ended their relationship and resisted the urge to make a scene. The man was clearly out of his mind. JJ, who knew what had happened, was the pinnacle of understanding for her friend and tried not to cringe at Emily's dispassionate outlook on the whole thing.

Emily had reached that stage where no one could get past her armor because she couldn't deal. She wouldn't deal: At least, not yet. She had a job to do and she had to prove to them that Aaron Hotchner could not throw her off her game even though she felt like crawling up in bed with a bottle of red wine while watching "An Affair to Remember" a million times. She was good at fooling Morgan and Reid, only for a little while, but Dave and JJ saw her for what she was: A very upset woman in love with a man who was emotionally unstable. Fate had not been very kind to Emily Prentiss.

_The stickler is you've played not one beat wrong_

_You never promised me anything_

_Even sat me down and warned me just how they fall_

_I knew the odds were I'd never win_

_Yet here I am_

_It's a half-life with you as my quarterback_

_A daft life_

The worst part was, Hotch had told Emily straight up that he couldn't give her what she really wanted. Emily had told him that was fine and so began their little affair. Unfortunately Emily seemed to forget she was a woman in love and let her heart take the blunt force of his words that night. It wasn't heartbreak: It was soul shattering. Much worse than the text book case of a typical heartbreak. Emily felt like her whole being was in pain. Stupid romance.

Maybe it was because whenever she closed her eyes she was transported back into his dark room that made her refuse to sleep unless absolutely necessary. It became increasingly hard to hide the circles under her eyes but her performance in the field didn't falter so no one said anything. Well, JJ did and on occasion Dave would send her concerned glances, which she would smile at causing Dave to shoot daggers at Hotch.

Emily had gotten very good at forcing the fake smiles which half assured Morgan and barely confused Reid. JJ, Dave and Hotch were the only ones who could see past that smile. It wasn't until Morgan caught glimpse of the tear that threatened to fall from her clouded eyes one late afternoon that he realized she was anything but okay. He had the sinking feeling that their leader was the reason Emily was pouring herself so heavily into the job and he found he didn't like that one bit.

Days past and Emily compared the bizarre feeling to falling down the rabbit hole. She felt like Alice: Not big enough to deal with the problem the correct way, and not small enough to act like it didn't happen. She was in a constant state of unrest and she was afraid it would begin to affect her job. She noted how the whole team seemed concerned for her wellbeing and it began to irk her. She wasn't some experiment to be studied, she wasn't the first and she wouldn't be the last member of the team to suffer heartache. They needed to get over it.

If Emily thought Aaron Hotchner breaking up with her was the worst thing ever, that all changed when he started avoiding her. He didn't sit next to her during cases nor did he pair them up. She thought he was acting childish: He thought he was doing her a favor.

Once Hotch started his avoidance routine, the team knew something was up. Emily acted like nothing was the matter and that just seemed to anger everyone more. Go figure.

_My self-worth measured in text back tempo_

_It's been two days and eight minutes too slow_

_Well there may well be others_

_But I still like to pretend that_

_I'm the one you really want to grow old with_

Emily shrugged off the offers of coffee and girls' night out insisting she was fine and didn't need to be babied just because a relationship didn't work out. It wasn't the end of the world: Serial killers kept killing, paper work continued to pile up and the world was still turning. As far as Emily Prentiss was concerned the only thing that ceased was her ability to compartmentalize as efficiently as she did before Aaron Hotchner. She figured it was a small casualty in the game of love and war.

However, the one thing that managed to break Emily's barriers down was Jack Hotchner, who had grown accustomed to seeing her around. He called her one day while she was at work and asked her if she was coming over for diner. Hotch watched as she talked on the phone then rushed to the bathroom. He couldn't mistake her tears for anything else, nor the twisting sensation in his gut. Her tears were his downfall and he had the feeling they always would be.

Emily wasn't sure what to tell the young boy. What could she tell him? She had never been in the situation where the man she had been sleeping with had a child and said child had come to rely on her as Emily began to love that child. Jack had captured her heart and refused to let it go. Hotch had warned her about that and again Emily had shrugged it off saying Jack would be fine. She had been wrong. He missed Emily and was not beyond the use of tears to get what he wanted. Kids were really smart when it came to affairs of the heart.

Emily couldn't deny Jack anything: She doubted Hotch could either. The little four-year old was a genius of sorts and an extortionist. She wondered briefly if he picked that up from his father or Haley.

Emily quickly returned to her desk and fell back into the her new habit of doing mountains of paperwork without saying a word to anyone except Reid who would push her buttons a little just to facilitate a response. She knew her friend was worried about her, that was why she humored him and would occasionally talk to him about the nerdiest things just to convince him she was okay. He didn't fall for it, but Reid was glad she was responding to him.

_Got a schedule to stick to._

_Got a world to keep sweet_

_You're so much to everyone all the time_

_Will you ever slow down?_

_Will I ever come first?_

_The universe contracts to sigh_

Emily wondered what was next.

It wasn't like she imagined herself falling into bed with anyone else anytime soon. Hotch had ruined that illusion for her. She knew if she did try to be with anyone else all she'd see is him: His face, his body, his dark eyes as he watched her. She'd smell his scent, hear his voice: Aaron Hotchner had ruined her for any other man. Emily was both thrilled and angry at that. She figured it meant she'd only love him and that was enough. Loving Aaron Hotchner was a very difficult thing to do and she couldn't imagine loving two men at the same time if her whole heart would have to be ripped in two. That sounded unpleasant.

She felt like she was in one of those movies. Boy meets girl, girl falls in love with boy. Boy fears his true feeling so he dumps her and girl spends the rest of her life alone. Wait a minute; even the movies didn't let that happen. Emily remembered how the cute guy in (500) Days of Summer even met a new girl at the end. Lucky bastard.

Emily sighed and looked down at the completed files on her desk. All she had to do was give them to Hotch and call it done. Emily looked up at his office and felt her whole body tense up. She really just wanted to go home and drown in ice cream and sob movies, but she had to get past this hurdle. Lately if one of guys was going to Hotch's office, she'd hand them her files to give to him. She looked around and the coast was clear. Dammit.

Gathering her broken parts together, Emily grabbed her files and walked up the steps and knocked on his door. Dave and JJ were walking back from her office and paused as they saw Emily's back at Hotch's door. As she walked in they traded looks: They were ready for the other fallout.

Hotch looked up from his own paper work as Emily walked in and felt that familiar twisting in his gut. He saw the circles under her eyes, the slight shake in her limbs, the dull light in her eyes and he internally winced. He deserved to be shot for what he put her though. That he didn't doubt.

"Here are those files you asked for." Emily said quietly putting them on his desk softly.

_You know you'll never be lonely_

_No, you'll always be loved_

_And maybe you never need more than that_

_But for the surplus that loves what's to become of us_

_Does it even register on your conscience?_

"Thank you." Hotch said trying to find the words he so desperately wanted to say.

Emily deserved so much more than what he gave her. She had one been his closest confidant besides Dave, but due to his callous behavior towards her after his retreat she was like a stranger. No, he was just a coward. He had reduced the once lively woman in front of him to a shell of who she once was. If he had known what his cowardice would've done to Emily Prentiss before that Sunday evening he never would've asked to stop. Truthfully he still didn't. His bed was a painful reminder of his great mistake.

Emily turned to leave, not wanting to stay in there any longer than absolutely necessary. She wanted to yell at him, hit him, kiss him, cry for him, and strip him. God she wanted so much from him and she felt guilty for that. He was still in grief; he had a son to take care of. His job was at stake for even thinking about her the way he did. She felt bad for wanting him. Seemed she picked up his ability to blame herself for no real reason through contact.

"Emily…" Hotch began as Emily's hand rested on the doorknob. Emily paused and then turned to face him.

"Yes sir?" she asked seeing the way his eyes flashed with pain at her attempt to distance herself from him. Guilt reared its ugly head as Emily let her shoulders sag in defeat. If he ever asked her to come back to him she would in a heartbeat. She was too far gone to deny him anything, even if she'd revert back to this sad state when he pushed her away again. It seemed inevitable after all this.

Hotch wanted to scream at her use of 'sir.' He couldn't blame her. He hadn't called her Emily in days and she was just trying to protect herself after he hurt her. He wouldn't even blame her if she hated him, but she didn't. He could see it clearly in her dark eyes that she'd never considered hating him even though he deserved it.

"Never mind." Hotch said feeling his heart break at the look of anguish that settled on Emily's face. He was pathetic. Emily nodded once and quickly opened his door and she was at her desk before he could blink. He watched Emily gather her stuff and walk quickly out of the office. He saw Reid's concerned look and JJ's shaking head. He looked once at Dave and saw the glare from the older man.

Hotch let loose a sigh and sat back in his chair. He doubted he'd be able to fix this; he didn't know where to begin.

Emily rushed home and once there she threw her stuff on the floor. She shut off her phone and locked her door. For a little while she wanted to be missing from the world of fairy tales and hopeless romantics that thrived outside of her dark world. Love was messy, complicated, and it hurt like hell and Emily was smack dab in the middle of it and all she wanted now was a way out.

_Long for one last showdown from a box in a crowd_

_Air compressed tight to explode_

_I'm clenching my ticket to the only way out_

_As you disappear in a puff of smoke_

_It's a half-life with you as my quarterback_

_A daft life_

_

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_

Definitely not my happiest fic, but I didn't feel like writing something fluffy-you can't really with this song. So, should I write another chapter? Will Hotch grow a pair, should Dave rip him a new one? What about Jack? Will Emily be okay? Tune in next time... *laugh* I sound like an announcer at the end of a soap opera or something. I don't think I can leave it at this, but it's up to you guys/gals. Please let me know.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Peace out.


	2. Practical

Hey there.

So I got an overwhelming response to continue this story and what the readers want, the readers get. That and I couldn't bring myself to leave Emily so upset. I was really angry with Hotch so I figured I'd yell some sense into him, some way. I have a feeling I might have to do another chapter, but again I'll leave that one to you.

I do not own any of the movies I mention throughout this fic, especially "Practical Magic" (one of my all time favorite movies)

Please enjoy and review.

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_That's what love is like._

_It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. _

_But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. _

_You can't see what's happening to the people around you. You can't see that you're about to fall._

_-Jillian Owens (Practical Magic)_

Hotch braced himself for the impending attack as he saw Dave glance once more at Emily's retreating figure before marching up to his office. This was not going to end well.

Dave was shutting Hotch's office door before Hotch even knew what was happening. Dave stormed to the front of Hotch's desk and he just stared at his friend in righteous anger. Hotch could literally feel the steam coming off of Dave and waited for the explosion. However, before Dave could open his mouth and rip Hotch a new one, JJ came into the office not bothering to knock. If Hotch thought Dave was exceptionally scary, he hadn't the slightest idea what JJ was capable of.

He'd never underestimate her again.

JJ slammed a pile of files on Hotch's desk, ignoring the surprised look on Dave's face.

"Fix it, or so help me Aaron Hotchner they'll never find your body." JJ threatened with such a tone that made both Hotch and Dave shiver. She could be downright horrible if need be and apparently she believed the mishap between Emily and Hotch warranted her inner demon. She resisted the urge to smirk at the way Hotch's eyes widened with his words. Now was not the time for Dave's anger: JJ's would be more than satisfactory.

Straightening her back, JJ whipped around and left Hotch to deal with Dave, who was in utter amazement. "I knew there was a reason I admired her." Dave muttered as she shut Hotch's door.

Hotch rolled his eyes, "You mean other than the reasons that she's attractive and you've been pining after her since you walked through my door?" he couldn't resist.

Dave glared at Hotch. "This isn't about me Aaron. It's about how you royally fucked up with Emily," he snapped taking a seat in front of Hotch who visibly grimaced. Hit the nail on the head.

"You might want to start at the beginning." Dave said bringing his hands together to rest on his stomach in waiting. Hotch sighed and began to tell Dave about his relationship with Emily that had been going on since Foyet stabbed him. Dave's eyes widened but he didn't say anything.

When Hotch had finished Dave snorted. Hotch looked at his friend who wore a 'are you serious' look.

"So you broke it off because you got scared that you were developing feelings for the woman you were having sex with?" Dave asked and Hotch had to admit when he said it like that it sounded really ridiculous. Hotch nodded his head and Dave barely suppressed the urge to reach over and knock Hotch upside the head: Just barely though.

"Look Aaron, you fucked up big time: You don't need me to tell you that." Dave said.

"Then why are you?" Hotch growled out. Dave smiled evilly, "Because I like saying it," he replied as Hotch scowled at his older friend. Dave was having way too much fun with this.

"Emily is a very strong woman, that's no secret. She's dealt with the worst serial killers face to face and she didn't flinched. She investigated an old friend's death and dealt with your scrutiny since she joined the team. She can take a hit." Dave said relaxing in this chair. Hotch nodded in agreement.

"But we know how heavily Emily protects her heart. We've seen how vulnerable she can be during Matthew's case not too long ago. Once someone works their way into her heart they are there to stay. Unfortunately that also means they can hurt her more."

Hotch felt uncomfortable as Dave slowly began to broach the subject of the pain he had inflicted upon Emily. Going in he had never meant to hurt her, but he should've realized-he should have seen-the way she felt about their late nights.

"She can't compartmentalize love Aaron." Dave said simply and Hotch's eyes shot up to Dave's. Dave just nodded his head in confirmation of the simple truth Hotch had been denying since day one.

Hotch closed his eyes and felt his hand come up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He didn't know what to do.

"My advice Aaron is beg." Dave said and Hotch looked up with crinkled eyebrows.

"Beg her to take you back or let her go forever. Either way it's some form of surrender and I already know which one will be easier in the beginning, but if you let her walk out of your life Aaron, you will never be happy again. She is willing to love you; someone who sees himself as the broken shadow of a man. Who else could put up with that?" Dave asked knowing full well he had made his point.

Hotch paused and began to think.

Dave sighed. "Do you love her?" he asked and saw how Hotch's body jerked with his words. He smirked.

Hotch didn't answer, he just looked Dave dead in the eyes as his mind replayed every moment he had spent with Emily Prentiss over the three years he had worked with her.

Her smile, her laugh, her determination, her tears, the way her eyes narrowed when she was pissed, the way her hips swayed when she walked, the way she said his name…Hotch felt like a bolt of lightning struck him.

"Finally" Dave muttered and stood up, seeing what he needed to see. Dave had know for a long time that Aaron Hotchner had been in love with Emily Prentiss subconsciously. Hell he was sure the entire team knew that, and after Emily's reactions the past few days it was painfully obvious that she returned the sentiments only she knew and accepted it. Emily Prentiss wasn't to hide behind 'ignorance' when the reality was staring her blatantly in the face.

"I have a feeling JJ's threat doesn't have an expiration date but it may have a count down like a bomb, so I'd hurry up and fix this mess so we can go back to working like we used to." Dave said and with one last look at Hotch, Dave walked out of his office to the bullpen where JJ was talking to a worried Garcia. Reid and Morgan fell into the little circle the girls had created when Dave showed up. They all shared mixed looks but Dave assured them silently that the balance would be restored soon.

Hotch didn't have time to register the looks his team shot him as he rushed down the stairs out of Quantico while on the phone. He was talking a mile a minute, forming a plan as he walked. He had to get Emily back and he had a good idea of how to do that.

- - - - -

Emily sat on her couch dejected and blank.

She had tried telling herself she was acting like a child, but the pain in her heart silenced her logical approach. She had every right to pout and feel upset with the way she had Hotch had fallen apart at the seams. She was in love with a jerk: Story of her life.

"Practical Magic" was playing on TV and she felt herself smile. It was one of those movies that made her feel better despite any inner turmoil. After it was over Emily planned on putting in something darker, like "The Invisible." She figured a sad movie would do her justice tonight.

Emily looked at her black phone and found it increasingly difficult not to pick it up and turn it on. It would be a classical hurt female move, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Emily shook her head. No, she was stronger than that. It Hotch wanted to apologize he could bring his heartbreaking ass over here and get on his hands and knees for all she cared. Emily sighed and took another sip of her Oliver Red Wine. She wasn't trying to get smashed, just pleasantly numb. She'd be fine to go into work tomorrow and that was what mattered.

Emily fidgeted in her baggy sweats and lose T-shirt feeling out of sorts with the world. She sighed, not even the sight of a bunch of women banishing an evil spirit could cheer Emily up. Her heart hurt, as clichéd as that sounded. She wanted to believe that Hotch was capable of so much more than what he gave her, but as the seconds turned to minutes and then faded into hours she began to doubt it. Perhaps hers was a cursed love like the Owens women's love. She felt like she had been so caught up in him that she was falling so fast that once she hit the ground, she'd shatter into a million pieces.

Emily sighed and turned down the volume of her TV as a knock sounded at her door. Emily hesitated, torn between the intense desire to answer it and the need to be left alone. She probably would've stayed on the couch if Hotch hadn't spoken.

"Emily I know you're in there. Please open the door." Hotch said as he readjusted the mass in his arms.

Emily sighed and reluctantly got up. She walked slowly to the door, figuring he could wait a few more minutes since she had been waiting for much longer than that. She didn't even look through the peep whole, which she probably should have considering the mass in Hotch's arms threw itself at Emily when she opened her door.

Emily hardly managed to catch Jack.

"Daddy said you were sad 'cause of something he did so he thought we should come over and make it better!" Jack exclaimed hugging Emily tightly. Emily was rendered speechless as she rubbed Jack's back automatically. She looked down at the little boy in her arms before daring to look up at Hotch's face.

She could clearly see the worry lines and the pain in his dark eyes and felt exhaustion sweep over her. She was too tired to deal with this now, but Jack seemed adamant about helping.

"Daddy makes everything better Emmy, Daddy can make you happy again." Jack said with all the logic of a four-year old. Emily chuckled at Jack's reasoning and felt Hotch's pleading eyes on her face. Well, this hadn't been what she had in mind, but she couldn't resist the charms of both Hotchner men.

She was still sore with Aaron, but for now she was willing to overlook that part of her and she turned to walk into her apartment with Jack in her arms. She looked back and saw a hesitant Hotch and she bit her lower lip. She jerked her head, telling him to come in as she tired to ignore the little voice in her head that told her she was making the same mistake. Hotch entered and closed the door behind her.

He walked over to her and stopped to where their arms were brushing, causing Emily to shiver. He held up a little grocery bag filled with snacks and popcorn as if they were offerings of peace, which to a woman like Emily they were. Emily felt her anger drain out of her at the nervousness she saw in Hotch's eyes and he reminded her of a dog crawling back to its owner after breaking something in the house. Scared, hesitant, and unsure of what to do.

It was going to be a long night, but Emily leaned her head gently against his shoulder and finished watching Practical Magic before going to make the popcorn.

She had wanted Hotch for so long and as he stood in the living room with her she felt like whatever 'curse' she had felt existed vanished into the night. She wasn't falling anymore, just floating and for the time being that was fine with her.

_Curses only have power when you believe them._

_And I don't._

_You know what? _

_I wished for you too._

_-Gary Hallet (Practical Magic)_

_

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_

Oh that was fun. I had this idea yesterday that JJ would go postal on Hotch and boom, her line was born. I was cracking up because I can see JJ getting all pissed off just as easily as Emily or Garcia. She's always so quiet and light you know, so I figured let's throw her in there. I thought it turned out fairly nice. *laugh* I suppose, if you all request it, I can post another chapter. I think they need to talk. So just let me know.

Peace out.


	3. Irrational

Hey everyone.

So, I'm calling it done-this story is done as far as I'm concerned. Although, maybe I'll do an epilogue or something but I'm very satisfied with the way this story turned out. (and the support I received was unbelievable so thanks so much!) I got a lot of comments about Hotch being a jerk (putting it nicely) and I have to say that I totally agree with you. At least he is in the first two, I think he redeems himself in this chapter. Honestly I guess I made him sort of a jerk due to** ilovetvalot**'s story _Unexpected Surprises_ (if you haven't read it...what are you waiting for? She's a genius!) Hotch is a really big $$bag in her story and he makes me want to kick him in the shin so unconsciously I was sort of taking that Hotch and using that jerkiness in this story. I didn't mean to in the beginning but it worked.

Please enjoy and review.

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_I'm a bad boy, for breaking her heart._

_~John Mayer (Free Fallin')_

_- - - - -_

Emily found it increasingly difficult to focus on the popcorn when she could feel Aaron's eyes constantly and silently begging her for forgiveness.

At the moment she was at a loss for words but once she had a moment when Jack was nowhere near her and his father, she would find those words once more and let them out. She was not going to berate Hotch when Jack was a few feet away: She wasn't that mean. Emily figured she'd send Jack upstairs to watch a movie in her room as she and Hotch 'got the snacks' and then let him have it. If he thought he could hide behind his son then Aaron Hotchner had another thing coming.

There were some flaws with that scenario though, the major one being after watching a movie with Jack and Hotch it would be really late and no matter how angry Emily was, she wouldn't make Hotch drive at such a late hour when he was obviously exhausted and had his son with him. No, even if she hated his guts she wouldn't let Hotch do something like that. Emily guessed it was a good thing she had a spare bedroom because there was no way she was letting Aaron Hotchner sleep in her bed tonight, she wasn't that forgiving.

It was hard for her to sort her feelings into perfect little boxes.

On one hand she was glad he was there, making an effort to right his wrongs; on the other she wished he'd never come because his presence only sent her spinning deeper into a chaos vent of molted emotions that couldn't get along. She wanted him and didn't at the same time. So much for consistency.

Hotch for his part was waiting for her lecture and found his nerves electric with tension and anxiety. If she wanted to yell at him, he wished she'd get it over with already. It was true he was a patient man, but when it came to the affairs of the heart his sense of time and meaning flew out the window. It didn't help that his own son had scolded him for hurting Emily either. He couldn't catch a break, but Hotch felt like he didn't deserve one in the first place.

Hotch looked away from Emily and saw his son sitting comfortably on her couch drifting in and out of consciousness. Hotch felt his guilt increase ten-fold but the fact Jack had insisted on coming when Hotch had picked him up and explained that he had to get some things for Emily real quick made him smile for a second. Jack had no problem loving Emily unlike his father. Hotch's smile faded as the microwave went off, signaling that the popcorn was done.

Emily grabbed a large bowl and poured the popcorn in before walking past Hotch out of the kitchen and into the living room where she stopped. Jack was out like a light, snuggling with the fleece blanket Emily had been covered up with earlier. She sighed, but with a fond smile set firmly on her lips, Emily put the bowl down and picked the little boy up in her arms. She had to admit Jack certainly was a deterint for her rage at his father and maybe if she kept in mind he was upstairs, she wouldn't yell at Hotch as loudly as she would: If she yelled at all that is.

Hotch waited patiently downstairs as Emily tucked his son in. He didn't try to ignore the warmth in his heart as he pictured her kissing Jack's forehead after tucking the blankets snugly against his small body. She was a natural with children, especially Jack.

It seemed to take Emily no time to walk down her stairs with a small smile on her face. Hotch briefly wondered what had caused that smile but once her eyes met his and her smile disappeared he realized, with a new bought of anxiety, that they were going to talk now. He opened his mouth to speak but Emily shook her head.

"Don't, just don't," she said with an air of sadness that made Hotch's mouth run dry. He couldn't for the life of him figure out how to make this right. He decided it was best to do as she said though and let her lead however she wanted to. He owed her than and so much more.

Emily wasn't ready for this, but she had to deal with Hotch sooner or later: She preferred sooner so they could dispel the awkward cloud that hung over them like a thick smog. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she was torn between hitting him and kissing him. Indecision sucked.

Emily took a deep breath in and watched as Hotch stared at her letting her lead. Emily had to give him points for that: Aaron Hotchner didn't step down gracefully often.

"I don't know what you hoped to accomplish by coming here tonight, but let me just say bringing Jack was low." Emily began, feeling Jack was a safe starting point. She paused but didn't let him defend himself because the minute he opened his mouth and formed those sentences Emily was sure would render her incapable, she would lose this fight she rightly deserved.

"Honestly I'm surprised you showed up at all. I was under the impression you wanted to pretend nothing ever happened between us." Emily said letting her hands rest on her thighs not trusting them to not throw something at Hotch who was silent. She almost wished he'd try and defend himself, but shoved that wish into a deep part of her heart. She wanted to vent and by God he was going to have to take it like a man.

"I get it, why you ended it. Really I do. It's true though, that Jack could get hurt and you know I'd never hurt him on purpose. I never intended for him to grow so attached to me, but things like that you just can't control: And I'm not about to pretend that I haven't grown quiet fond of him as well." Emily said letting the words flow from her mouth as they popped into her head.

Hotch nodded and waited for her to continue. He wanted her to let it all out. It was therapeutic.

"What I don't get is why you ran from me." Emily said, her voice a soft echo in her apartment. Hotch studied her as she shook her head as if her words didn't quite fit.

"No, I do know why: You're scared I get that. But I'm scared too and you don't see me running with my tail between my legs because someone is getting closer than I originally intended." Emily said hotly feeling the dam she had created to hold back her intense emotions crack under the pressure of Hotch's steady gaze.

"You can't possibly expect to show up, after getting ripped a new one by Dave or whoever, and make everything okay. It doesn't work like that. You should know that already." Emily said a fire burning in her dark eyes.

Hotch felt frozen in place as Emily's emotions spiraled like a great flame burning him. The anger he could take, it was the tears he couldn't. He hoped she'd put those off as long as she could.

"I mean, shit Aaron! I'm not sure whether or not to laugh because you actually showed up or kick your ass out of my apartment and make you suffer like I suffered!" Emily all but shouted, still mindful of the sleeping boy upstairs.

Hotch tired to hold back his flinch at her words. Foyet he could take, but Emily Prentiss was on another level entirely. She scared him in a way no one else had, after all she was armed and very dangerous. He had wronged her and as far as he was concerned she had every right to shot him. He didn't think she would, but at the wild look in her eyes Hotch began to wonder.

Emily paused to collect herself. He always made her so unhinged and passionate whether about sex or other things. It was true he made her feel alive, but this kind of pain was too much. She didn't want him if it meant feeling her heart break with every time he looked at her. She looked at him and silently gave him his cue to jump in and try to save himself before she ripped into him again. She needed to hear his voice, unsure of its effects on her.

Recognizing the sign, Hotch cleared his throat and looked down at the floor before meeting her ambivalent eyes.

"I'm not sure what to say. I…I screwed up and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't forgive me. I realized though that I can't just run away when I become afraid because that's not fair to you." Hotch said sincerely, trying desperately to string the proper words together.

Emily listened and felt her anger lessen to a dull burning in the pit of her heart as she absorbed his words. He wasn't trying to snake his way out of the blame he so rightly deserved and Emily remembered that it was his ability to accept his wrongs that drew her to him. He tackled challenges head on and if he did damage he took the repercussions like a man. Emily almost wished he'd fight her so it would be easier to be angry at him, but when he stood there so calm and accepting it deflated her rage towards him.

"I didn't think about you in the beginning. I didn't think about what our actions would cause and for that I am sorry. I don't regret being with you though, I just wished I had seen the signs and faced my feelings instead of hurting you." Hotch's words made Emily's heart twitch in a bittersweet emotion. If he kept saying things like that she'd never be able to fully express her inner rage and sadness: He had to be cheating.

"Looking back, I was faced to confront that which I've grown to fear: Falling in love and then waking up one morning in a cold bed because I screwed up again," he confessed seeing Emily's eyes widen at his confession. He knew coming into this he'd have to be honest and if that meant baring his soul to her, he'd do it. Anything to get her back.

Emily swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling the knots in her stomach tighten. This was not what she imagined. She had wanted him to open up to her for a very long time and now he was standing in her living room basically opening his heart for her to look in and see what went on in there. It was both exciting and terrifying: Just like him, just like loving him.

"I'd never hurt you: I thought you knew that." Emily said with conviction and a truth too powerful to be ignored.

Hotch broke eye contact to look at his hands. Emily covered her shock with a cool mask. Hotch never looked away.

"I know Emily, if there's anything you've shown me over the years it's that I can trust you with anything; my life and my heart…" Hotch broke off, unsure of where he was going with this. If she didn't forgive him Hotch truly feared he'd be in that cold bed for the rest of his life and at the same time it was difficult for him to talk of such things.

Emily bit her bottom lip as she witnessed the inner struggle Hotch fought through as he summoned up the courage he needed to prove to Emily he could do this. He could make them work-he would make them work.

"I don't always say everything I should. I'm horrible about expressing myself and since Foyet I've been afraid to let you get close, for fear of losing you. Before Foyet though, I was hesitant about letting people in. I didn't want to feel like I failed another woman because of my inability to be _that_ man. The doting husband, the father who's always there…I didn't want to disappoint you and watch you walk away from me; but t seems by not taking that risk that I managed to push you away and I can't stress how much I hate that."

Emily felt her eyes sting with the tears she had been withholding all night.

Hotch was quiet, letting his words hang in the air. He didn't know if he could say more. He feared saying those three words in case she found them lacking. He wanted to tell her on their terms, on a more solid ground. They should never be used as a way back into someone's heart especially when they could end up being used as weapons against that person's heart. She had to know though: He had to tell her with more conviction that he couldn't lose her.

"Emily I can't lose you. I'll do whatever it takes." Hotch said matching his blazing eyes with her watery ones. They clashed like yin and yang and yet complimented each other like men and women often do.

Silence permeated the tense atmosphere for a few painful minutes before Emily spoke.

"This isn't a three strikes and you're out situation Aaron. There's only so much my heart can take and if you break it again I will not let you back in because there will be nothing left." Emily said quietly staring Hotch down, letting him know she was dead serious.

Hotch nodded trying to quell the hope that soared in his chest at her words. She was giving him a second chance. He couldn't breathe. Emily saw the spark in Hotch's eyes and felt her face soften until a small smile graced its surface. Suddenly the feet between them felt like miles and they made their way to each other like magnets.

Emily couldn't help herself. She wanted him in the best way and as she replayed his words over in her head she heard the unsaid words that crept between the lines. Her eyes burned with joy laced tears but she was still careful. She believed he wanted her and he was going to try, but she wasn't one-hundred percent fixed. It would take time.

Hotch wrapped his arms around her the second she was in reach and she melted into his welcoming embrace. Hotch kissed the top of her head gently, deciding it was best not to push in any way until she was ready. She was still hurting and Hotch knew he'd have to really prove to her he could do this.

Honestly, she wasn't asking for a lot. She just wanted him to stay and as she snuggled tightly into his arms and Hotch breathed her in he realized he was never going to run from her again.

There was no where else he's rather be and if he had to spend the rest of his life proving that to her, then so be it. He had time-they had time.

- - - - - -

_Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state._

_Being in love shows a person who he should be._

_~Anton Chekhov_

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Well there you have it. Now I can focus on _The Changing Tides, _which I hope to have the 8th chapter of up by tomorrow (goodness this story arc had gotten wild and out of control-i like it!) So keep those eyes pealed for that goody. Also let me know if I should do an epilogue thing with this, I have 5 days off after tomorrow so I can dedicate those to college stuff (for I graduate High School in June) and fanfic writing (which I'll continue for a very long time) I hope you enjoyed this story.

Peace out.


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